I usually spend a lot of time at the end of the year thinking about all the books, music, movies & other things I’ve enjoyed. Taking stock & picking out my favorites usually brings a sense of order and fun to my end of year. But this year, I just didn’t get around to it.
To be honest, I didn’t listen to much music, and I don’t think I watched many new or notable movies. what I did do, however, was read more books than in recent memory.
Actually I listened to many (but not all) of them. Audible was my bff this past year. I indulged in genre fiction like fantasy and sci-do much more than usual, devouring a half-dozen multi-book series (at a guess).
I might even sit down and pick out some favorites. but in the meantime, here is my Goodreads Year in Books 2022.
I’m trying to get back in the writing & sharing habits now that my depression is lifting (and that’s a whole mother story there). I’ve been doing ok on Instagram, where just throwing up a photo or a reel is quick. And it fits into my day & other activities well. I get blocked though, when it comes to this website. I just forget about it. Well, not quite forget… There is always the lagging guilt that I should be writing more and putting it out into the world because otherwise how will I know if anyone wants to read it?
But those issues aside, I also harbor a secret desire to make every post on here REALLY COUNT because I haven’t been posting much. But that’s ridiculous. Not every post can be a 10,000 word examination of my mental health or the latest music trends.
Here is a really good example. Yesterday, I was puttering around the internet, reading some emails, some news, following some links, when BAM! Something awesome that I want to share. But its a YouTube video, and I can’t share that on Instagram, my go-to easy platform. I can’t even share links unless its in the comments field. So what do I do?
Girl, you have a web site, a blog, a whatever you want to call it, where you can post anything. So here I am. That was a pretty big introduction to what I actually want to share, so I hope I haven’t taken the wind out of your sails with my blathering.
New! Recycle makeup & skincare containers at Nordstrom.
So there it is, the big excitement. But here’s the thing. Lipstick and mascara and tiny tubes of eye cream and serum bottles—none of these things are conventionally recyclable. I think we don’t really think about it most of the time, we just throw a whole lot of unprocessable things in the recycling, say we recycle, and give ourselves a pat on the back.
But if you only knew how little actually gets recycled, you’d be horrified. For instance, any item can have a “recycle” symbol on it—doesn’t even need to be recyclable. How is that not a crime??? Plus, you still need the containers to be empty and clean. Do you clean out your salsa jars or peanut butter jars before you recycle? If not, I have bad news for you. It probably gets tossed. Even if your local recycling center says the containers don’t need to be clean or empty, many of those that aren’t get tossed at the recycling facility itself. I try to be so good, but sometimes—I have to admit—I look at a container and just think “fuck it.” Common offenders for me hair products I didn’t like. How do I empty and wash a closed tube of leave-in conditioner? Do I take the chance of recycling? Or do I just throw it out so someone else doesn’t have to do it for me?!?
I have gotten off track, surprise! Beauty supplies are notorious for being un-recyclable. And its no surprise why… Tiny containers made of multiple materials that are hard to empty or impossible to clean. That is not a good thing for assembly-line style recycling sorting. Because what our American motto? If it’s too hard, don’t do it!
So, what is Nordstrom doing to change that? You can now bring your makeup unmentionables to the store & they’ve partnered with Terracycle to make sure these containers actually get recycled. Its the dark side of the beauty industry, at a time when other industries are trying to make inroads in green product packaging, etc.
I respect this, and I hope it takes off. It adds another step to the “recycling” process, but I hope at least people who already go to Nordstrom will partake in this program. And if it proves to be a big PR hit, maybe other companies will start doing the same. For a really big difference, I’m thinking Target, Walgreens, CVS. These companies should also be doing this. Actually, any company that sells makeup, skincare, or hair products should be a part of this too!
I’ll be holding all my relevant containers to take to Nordstrom for recycling. And maybe if we all start asking around at places we shop, they’ll start thinking about making this more widespread.
I can’t exactly describe why I related to so much of “The Joy of Sad Girl Music” by Laia Garcia-Furtado in Harper’s Bazaar recently, but I think it has something to do with how every band or singer described within was one of the pivotal touchstones of my college / grad school / 20’s / 30’s / everything. I may not have thought about Shirley Manson and Garbage’s epic lyrics recently, but I still feel them in the deep black recesses of my core: “I’m only happy when it rains.”
The article defines and contextualizes the history of “sad girl music” while at the same time implying that perhaps this is not the music of just the 1990’s or sad girls–but that it is the music of Girls Who Feel. This happens to be all girls, but many of us needed permission to feel deeply in the world we grew up in, where getting ahead meant becoming more “masculine” for lack of a better word.
Julian Baker, singer -songwriter of one of my favorite sad-girl songs “Faith Healer,” describes what happens around the time your membership to the Sad Girl Club starts for many of us:
“[T]he existential element that starts to appear when you grow up as a woman in this world and you are, because of your queerness or because of your nongender alignment—or because of just the fact that you’re not a man—deprived of certain opportunities and kept from certain spaces, and you start to really tangibly experience the inhumanity of the world. For me, experiencing that deprivation or exclusion makes you all the more sensitive to the ways that other people are deprived and excluded. And then if you allow yourself to be unguarded about that and feel the natural compassionate response—it is pain, right?” Baker continues. “Like, it’s regret and sadness. And that’s an okay thing to feel. Because if the pain is instructive, the sadness is instructive about how to make a more compassionate world.”
Have you ever been outside on the deck after dark enjoying an alcoholic beverage with friends, and suddenly heard a strange sound? Have you then, almost unconsciously, tried to identify the sound and found yourself muttering, “did you just hear a goat?” And then been absolutely shocked when a friend immediately responded “yea, I totally heard that goat.”
Honestly, me too. I would have been less shocked to hear a coyote howl.
So last year was a bad year for my mental health, and just like some memes I’ve seen, it is difficult to emerge from a depression to a never-ending list of to-dos. One of those task for me is to try to catch up & keep up with this website. I’ve only posted a few articles since December, but I’m getting my shit in order. Part of that is reading over all the links to news stories or features that I saved over the past year.
I’ve written a little bit (or a lot bit) about each link to help you understand why I thought it was noteworthy, and I’ll put them in reverse chronological order, starting in December. After December, I didn’t really save any links because I knew I would be doing this & didn’t want to make my list messy. This seems like a ridiculous idea now, but I’ll start fresh from now on. And I’ll try to keep up with these little bits of news & analysis on a case-by-case or, at the very least, weekly basis.
This list (with pictures) of celebrity deaths of 2021 contains so many important people. I don’t know if it’s my age or the age of “big celebrity” itself that makes 2021’s list so overwhelming. I started writing a list of the people whose loss I felt most acutely, but soon my list filled an entire pace and carried over to a second. You’ll see when you click through. What a year.
For those of us who might prefer the books to the movies, here’s a list to prepare for 15 book-to-screen transitions happening in 2022 (happily including many Classics like Jane Austin).
July 18, 2021 – “Oh Happy Day” Oakland’s Controversial Gospel
There’s a catchy hymn in Sister Act 2 called “Oh Happy Day.” It’s also appeared in a handful of other movies, and it has been covered by more than 120 musicians. The song was a hit for the Edwin Hawkins Singers, but also drew controversies from most churches in the Bay Area, especially the Pentecostal church that it originated from. For a more exhaustive look at the controversies and the achievements of one of our favorite Gospel songs, click through to read more.
First of all, why did Panera make a swimsuit collection? Second,why does it have broccoli on it??? Is broccoli cheddar soup really that popular? Has broccoli become suddenly trendy? Do a lot of people take broccoli to the beach? Never mind the questions though. I’m actually kind of sad that it was all sold out before I even heard about it!.
“Every summer gets its own unique soundtrack — a fresh batch of hit songs, all vying for an unofficial title: Song Of The Summer. Often these songs are on the wind, everywhere, dominating not just the airwaves, but also the cultural conversation. And sometimes, a song of the summer is just a great new music discovery.”
And every summer, I love watching the competition for song of summer. From NPR Music’s playlists, I can honestly say that (in retrospect), my song for last summer was Olivia Rodrigo’s “good 4 u.” What a great, rockin’, screaming girl power breakup song. I’m still scream-singing it in my car on a regular basis.
Another list of books to read, this time poetry-specific. I’m always surprised to see poetry recommendations from non-literary magazines. Good Housekeeping??? I’ve actually read several of these books and can back up the recommendations.
Have you ever wanted to learn how Corn Nuts became a thing? Well, it all began in the bar, as many great things do, with the salty crunchy nuggets being given away free as snacks for the patrons of post-prohibition watering holes. After a change in ownership of the original company, Corn Nuts grew into an official business in Oakland, California. The article details the entire history, as well as some fascinating details on how the special corn was selected and bred. If you need some fascinating small talk, read this article. You’ll definitely want a bag of super crunchy ranch-flavored Corn Nuts afterwards.
I often post articles about books, lists of books, and literary award winners as reminders to myself that there are some books I need to read. Here is another such list, filled with diverse perspectives and featuring many of my favorite types of authors (ie, women and people of color). It’s been one month short of a year since I saved this article, and I still haven’t read any of these books…
The man, the myth, the San Franciscan. The poet, the painter, and the bookseller. Lawrence Ferlinghetti passed away last February, and I meant to mark the occasion. I only saved the link, however.
If I’ve never mentioned it, I actually went to school for poetry— and have an MFA from the University of Arizona. I moved directly from Tucson, Arizona to San Francisco sight unseen in 1999. And one of my first trips was to City Lights books. A delightful bookstore that you could get lost in for hours; just across an alley from a great little bar called Vesuvio’s (yes, like the volcano that destroyed Pompeii). The bookstore was also directly across the street from what would become two of my favorite places, Specs’ Twelve Adler Museum Cafe and Tosca Cafe.
Both Specs’ and Tosca are less “cafe” then outright bar, although now Tosca seems to be more restaurant. Specs’ quickly became one of my favorite dens of iniquity. The bar had unionized employees, some sort of fisherman’s union according to one of the bartenders. The walls are covered in tchotchkes, signs, fishing memorabilia, and even the bone of a whale penis. The door to the women’s room was always propped open and conversation flowed between patrons huddled near the mirror at the single sink. They had a giant wheel of cheese and served a little red basket filled with saltines and a hunk of cheese chopped off with what looked like an old grade school paper cutter. That cheese saved my empty stomach more than once! And Tosca was right next to Specs’, across another alley but really steps away.Tosca was a must-visit location for my first days in San Francisco because it was featured romantically in my favorite movie at that time, Wim Wenders’ “Until the End of the World.” Tosca is known for its bright red leatherette booths, it’s gorgeous long bar with a fantastical looking machine used to make the Irish Coffees, bartenders with the old-fashioned white coats, a jukebox with opera, and a legendary back room with a pool table where the literary elite hung out with the manager.
North Beach was definitely my preferred neighborhood to hang out in when I moved to San Francisco. In addition to the 3 bars & bookstore, I had 2 other frequented spots. One was a tiki bar called the Bamboo Hut, where I danced and laughed and probably tortured the bartender Steve. I closed most of my Friday nights in North Beach at this place, which was connected by regular door in the wall to the HiBall Club, where we snuck occasionally to swing dance. But we always went back to the Bamboo Hut because it was just more fun. The next most visited spot was Caffe Trieste, an actual coffee shop which describes itself as “the first espresso shop on the West Coast in 1952.” It was a place I lingered, often at tables on the sidewalk, hoping that I’d get a glimpse and maybe a quick chat from Ferlinghetti himself. He lived in North Beach and was rumored to hit up Trieste often, and I was a poetry fan girl.
James Baldwin’s entire record collection made into a giant playlist. Definitely worth checking out, even if we don’t like Spotify anymore. We know the difference between listening to Joe Rogan and listening to the music listened to by one of America’s greatest writers.
After settling a gender discrimination lawsuit against former COO for $22 million, Pinterest needs to change what has been called its widespread discriminatory and retaliatory culture. I find the news of these workplace problems so disheartening, especially considering Pinterest is an overwhelmingly “female” product. Just another example of using women as a product, as a way to make money, but disregarding the actual women who work for you. Also, why is Pinterest run by a man???? This leaves an incredibly bad taste in my mouth.
Brussels sprouts, carrots of many colors, spicy carrots (aka parsnips), and red bell pepper. Cuttings from a recent dinner prep.
Things are nostalgic in my house right now for reasons outside of my control (my sister is breaking up with her partner of nearly 4 years), and its making me think about my past as well. One of the memories that I think about often, nearly every time I eat Brussels sprouts, is my dog Rufus. He loved the leaves I peeled off the sprouts as I prepared them. Like an unusual love for the mini cabbage-like sprout tops. And the picture above shows other veggies I regularly eat and therefore fed to my pup as well. While he stopped really like carrots around age 7, he always relished red bell peppers.
Rufus doesn’t live with me anymore, though. He’s spending his golden years with his Dad, my ex-husband, and his new family including a furry new brother, Franklin. There are times when I miss him powerfully. I used to sleep with him during the day after I got off night shift. He loved to cuddle on the couch and lick my ears (ew, I know). When I cut Brussels sprout now, though, I can’t help but think of him. He would sit beside me or jump in excitement while I was cutting veggies. It was always fun to make him do tricks like dancing and spinning, and the more pedestrian sit, lay down and roll over. It truly makes me happy to think of those instances.
I don’t attach any regret or divorce sadness or future goals/plans with these memories. They exist only in the moment, and feel as surprising as the initial tingle of bubbles when you take your first sip of carbonated beverage. It feels right. The ability to reminisce about past events without getting stuck in the other feelings such as sadness or anger that sometimes define our thoughts when we think of the past.
Perhaps it is because the memories of Rufus eating Brussels sprouts scraps are so neutral, not centered on other humans, and exist out of time due to the fact that I experienced this literally hundreds of time. I can simply be happy to remember the fun & joy of those moments. When I reflect on these things, while chopping vegetables of course, I wonder about nostalgia. Often it seems like nostalgia is linked with a feeling of loss, such as “this (memory) was back when I was married (which I’ve lost),” or “those were the good ole days,” or the very closely related “it will never be that way again.” Very rarely does nostalgia induce feelings such as joy and happiness without also inducing the undertones of loss, grief, and regret.
The memories of Rufus doing tricks for vegetables are pure joy though. And it feels revolutionary, which leads me to believe that this is how it could be with other nostalgic memories. It feels like living in the moment but instead of applying that to the present moment, it is the past. This feels like goals achieved.
I’d add a picture of Rufus because everyone knows the internet loves pets, but you know what? I checked my cloud and I can’t find any. I’m sure they exist somewhere, but he exists in my memories. Doesn’t help you see a picture, but it feels right to me.
It’s been a year since I’ve been anywhere that’s not work or home (or twice, my friend Ben’s house, to be completely honest). My roommate, also a nurse, moved back to Reno in August so I haven’t seen her in months! We decided that since we both finished our vaccines in January and covid is waaaay down at our respective hospitals, we would try to rent a house on the Sonoma Coast to enjoy the ocean air.
The house was a very ’90s tri-level with some leftover ’90s nostalgia. But the sunrise and sunset from the deck was beautiful. We mostly hung out on the level with the kitchen/dining room.
Who remembers what AM radio is???
My first tasting of the delish beer!
Blood Orange Bourbon & Soda
We baked some bourbon brown butter blondies (delicious), ate all the best carbs (creamy sausage and broccoli pasta, bread with cheese), did a puzzle & drank a little bourbon. Well, I drank just a tiny bit of bourbon. She prefers wine. We did, however, drink one beer for good measure. We decided to finally see what all the hullaballoo about Pliny the Elder is all about. Turns out, it is really good beer.
After two nights, my friend left, and I spent one day/night gloriously alone. Just me & the birds in the redwoods surrounding the house. I ate our leftovers, enjoyed the warm sun through the giant windows overlooking the dining room table, wrote a new poem, and tried my hand at some watercolor landscapes and redwoods (below).
Three days isn’t that long, but it’s just enough when you need to get away and feel like you’ve been gone just long enough. All the driving also gave me the chance to finish 2 audiobooks, both of which I enjoyed immensely– Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia and The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix.
I took the titles from the reading list for Jenny Lawson’s Fantastic Strangling’s Book Club, which she runs though her website The Bloggess and her store Nowhere Bookshop. Of note, I’m not a member of the book club but I am a card carrying fan of Jenny Lawson. I just didn’t know if I’d love the type of books her book club reads, ie horror or horror-adjacent. I’m still not 100% convinced on the genre fiction, but I can recommend these 2 books. A little supernatural fun always adds to a vacation.
The one thing I couldn’t do on vacation was play with clay. So since I’m back two nights before I have to work, I’m going to take advantage. I’m going to work on my sculpting skills. Next up: a whale?
