Things are nostalgic in my house right now for reasons outside of my control (my sister is breaking up with her partner of nearly 4 years), and its making me think about my past as well. One of the memories that I think about often, nearly every time I eat Brussels sprouts, is my dog Rufus. He loved the leaves I peeled off the sprouts as I prepared them. Like an unusual love for the mini cabbage-like sprout tops. And the picture above shows other veggies I regularly eat and therefore fed to my pup as well. While he stopped really like carrots around age 7, he always relished red bell peppers.

Rufus doesn’t live with me anymore, though. He’s spending his golden years with his Dad, my ex-husband, and his new family including a furry new brother, Franklin. There are times when I miss him powerfully. I used to sleep with him during the day after I got off night shift. He loved to cuddle on the couch and lick my ears (ew, I know). When I cut Brussels sprout now, though, I can’t help but think of him. He would sit beside me or jump in excitement while I was cutting veggies. It was always fun to make him do tricks like dancing and spinning, and the more pedestrian sit, lay down and roll over. It truly makes me happy to think of those instances.

I don’t attach any regret or divorce sadness or future goals/plans with these memories. They exist only in the moment, and feel as surprising as the initial tingle of bubbles when you take your first sip of carbonated beverage. It feels right. The ability to reminisce about past events without getting stuck in the other feelings such as sadness or anger that sometimes define our thoughts when we think of the past.

Perhaps it is because the memories of Rufus eating Brussels sprouts scraps are so neutral, not centered on other humans, and exist out of time due to the fact that I experienced this literally hundreds of time. I can simply be happy to remember the fun & joy of those moments. When I reflect on these things, while chopping vegetables of course, I wonder about nostalgia. Often it seems like nostalgia is linked with a feeling of loss, such as “this (memory) was back when I was married (which I’ve lost),” or “those were the good ole days,” or the very closely related “it will never be that way again.” Very rarely does nostalgia induce feelings such as joy and happiness without also inducing the undertones of loss, grief, and regret.

The memories of Rufus doing tricks for vegetables are pure joy though. And it feels revolutionary, which leads me to believe that this is how it could be with other nostalgic memories. It feels like living in the moment but instead of applying that to the present moment, it is the past. This feels like goals achieved.

I’d add a picture of Rufus because everyone knows the internet loves pets, but you know what? I checked my cloud and I can’t find any. I’m sure they exist somewhere, but he exists in my memories. Doesn’t help you see a picture, but it feels right to me.